Hurt
by MadelineMoon
Summary: Satoshi mulls over how Daisuke has changed. Yaoi.
1. Observations

Disclaimer: I do not own DNAngel or any of its characters, though the story is my own.

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I won't give away any spoilers, but I don't want to disappoint anyone who isn't a big fan of **yaoi. **Enjoy! D

Song: I listened to mainly Mezzanine- Massive Attack, so excuse the first line!!!

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Hurt 

I'm a little curious…

When did you change? I don't have any recollection…

It had been small things. You'd stopped cutting your hair. By the end of 10th grade, your red spikes were hanging rebelliously over your shoulders. And you'd resorted to tying back the longer tresses in a small neat red plait.

You were reading more. Which intrigued me. Had you lost your appetite for popularity? For the Harada twins?

You withdrew from your former seat in the centre of the class, and retreated to an empty seat at the back. Out of range from everyone else.

You'd crystallised. Lost the shrill sound in your voice. Grown taller, broader. Your height now matching mine. You're looks had accentuated somehow. Enhanced. And although you'd become sharper looking, more slender, smouldering…you'd stopped smiling.

Why? Were you so suddenly unhappy?

Your eyes are down cast at the pages of the book you hold. It has some depth to it. I study you from my seat. You're reading poetry…

"Niwa" I say, now standing at your desk. Your eyes are level with my stomach as you stare ahead. You meet my eye, surprised it would seem. "May I sit here?" I ask, indicating the seat besides yours.

"Sure"

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	2. Alarmed

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You're not eating.

You're not eating at all.

The lunch hall is swarming with students. You seem fairly at ease with this hectic scene as you continue to read. You're sitting by the open door. The summer is hot and long, but beautiful all the same.

I study you from the window benches. Your hair and shirt dishevelled, much like my own. I take off my glasses, removing the sticky metal frame from my skin, and breathe a sigh I can't quite recognise as boredom, but somehow something much more.

The bell rings.

I hesitate long enough to see you stand and take your untouched meal to the bin, before disappearing through the open doors.

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You skip gym class.

You're not outside in the pool with the other students.

I hand over my usual note to the gym teacher, and slip back inside.

The changing rooms are empty. Where did you go? The echo of my footsteps on the shower tiles breaks the silence of the secluded room. I hear a gasp.

Quite suddenly I find myself wedged between a showerhead and a tiled wall. A soft cheek pushing into my neck, harsh breaths, sweet gasping from pink lips.

Your hands hold my arms in place by my sides. I struggle under your tight hold, to no avail…

Your eyes don't once meet mine. Is this guilt, embarrassment?

"Daisuke!"

I push you harshly into the opposing wall. You writhe and struggle beneath my hold, so much so that I find myself pushing my body against yours. You stare at me in alarm.

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	3. Something Wrong

XxX

There's something not right here.

Your skin is pale and feverish under the harsh bleached lights, and solid red bangs decorate your forehead. Your tense muscles fail against mine, as your grip on my arms fades into a gentle touch. Your stubborn lips part, your brow unfolds, and your gaze on me shifts as your eyes roll back.

Your body falls limp and vulnerable against the wall. Barely conscious as great arms wrap around you, I let my weight fall against yours as I push our joint bodies into the cornered tile walls, hearing your gentle grazing breaths. I kiss you.

XxX

Your lips don't move against mine as I'd wished they would. You don't gasp or moan, or hold me to you.

I hold your bottom lip in place, gently tracing it with my tongue as moments pass. You fail to respond.

Your eyes close. I hear a soft whimpering sound from your lips, and suddenly your body sparks beneath mine, feeling the impact of the moment. As if waking from sleep, your eyes settle on mine, and study the proximity of our lips, our bodies. Your lips latch onto mine, sucking and grinding.

Grinding clumsily, our bodies flailing with youthful need, intensifies the kiss.

I feel the stupid teen acting on impulse, but my body craves the touch, my mind needing blissful distraction, my hurt spirit needing the affection of another. Don't let me go.

XxX

Will update soon.

Madeline


	4. Hurt

Enjoy…

XxX

I walk you home. You're still blushing from our collision in the bathroom. This brings a smile to my face. You try hard not to wrap your arms about yourself, wanting desperately for that surge of confidence that had possessed you not long ago. I can tell, it reads on your face.

The sun still glares down at us from the heavens. You pull uneasily at your shirt and I suggest we sit in the shade. You nod at me, your head bobbing mechanically, as if this has been your only form of answer for a while now.

I sprawl my legs on the grassy patch we have found, and give the trees above a grateful look. Withdrawing bottled water from my school bag, I dismiss dizzying thoughts of the days events…kissing you…holding you…our bodies rocking in one sturdy motion. I risk a glance at you, and I'm under the impression immediately that your mind is replaying exactly the same things.

I bite my lip, wishing that clothes had been removed.

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"Would you like some water?"

My voice sounds foreign and dry in the thick heat. Your crimson eyes beam at me, and you take the bottle from my offering hand, yours shaking a little. You lift it to your lips and let the cool liquid slip through you.

I want to kiss you Daisuke, and I don't know how to.

I'm considering if you'd let my lips taste yours, if you'd let my tongue slip into the kiss and make it much more. I want you to know how good this will feel. In fact I'm already moving to you, keeping my unknowing hands in place.

"We shouldn't" you say. I pause and withdraw, knowing better. I stand and you follow. We're walking faster, ignoring the heat of the sun on our faces.

We arrive at your door all too quickly and I stare at you through the silence, not offering a word as you slip inside your door. I want you to know how hurt I feel.

XxX

Will update soon…things will get better, I promise, unless of course you'd prefer a slow and painful death of our young lovers romance?


	5. Waiting

Enjoy…

XxX

Days have passed. You still keep yourself to yourself. I can't help but long for you to return my glances. You've hurt me, yes, but now I want you all the more.

The heat is mocking me. More days pass and you ignore me still, leaving me alone with my cloud of thoughts.

I have no chance to corner you again. Your presence lingers as you sweep past in the corridor, your dizzying smell tightening its grip on me.

I express a sigh of relief as the final bell indicates the end of the day. I am well worn, wound up. I escape through the main entrance through a clutter of students in a mad rush. Without caution my books fall from my hands and I'm cursing under my breath as I bend down to retrieve them.

Suddenly you are there. Our hands are clumsily brushing and you raise your head to give me a smirk, your lips forming the perfect syllables of my name, 'Sa-to-shi' drawing my body to yours across the gravel.

You slip something into my hand.

I watch you disappear without another word.

I rush home to my apartment, all the while rethinking our situation.

XxX

The deep buzz of the laptop has long since disappeared, the coffee before me gone cold. My vision is blurred from the bright light of the screen. The clock on the wall tells me it's only half 4.

My spirit is dampened by the knowledge that this is how I've spent my Sunday. I'm rubbing my eyes as my thoughts drift back to you.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a small piece of paper, and re-read the numbers for a few moments. Before I can stop myself, the phone is in my hand and I'm dialling the number written.

Moments tick by as the ringing plays in my ears. A voice on the other end, a female, I'm guessing you're mother, greets me cheerfully. "Hello Mrs Niwa, this is Hiwatari." What do I say? 'I'm calling for your son Daisuke, I was hoping he'd come over and participate in some explicit screwing. I mean, if that would be okay by you ma'am?'

"Oh hello Hiwatari! I'll just go and get Daisuke for you"

Where has my confidence gone? I'm pulling at my hair when you finally speak to me. Your voice does not sound as I'd wanted, in fact you seem like you expected me to call.

"Hello Hiwatari"

"Niwa, I was hoping you might…help me with some homework"

"A top student like yourself?"

You're testing me. My excuse isn't good enough.

"Well, seen as you're struggling with math, and myself art, then it only seems just that we should…exchange help"

"That, erm, sounds fair, but I'm afraid I left my math book at school"

I swallow hard. My throat has long since become a tight hole and I'm choking on my words.

"Well, maybe I can…lend you a book?"

"Well, seen as you seem pretty eager to help me with my homework…sure thing"

I'm trying not grin down the phone. I'm pacing the room and running uncertain hands through blue straw.

"I'll see you in twenty?"

XxX

I will update soon…soon being within the next half hour. This is way better than English coursework. Word.


	6. Kiss

Enjoy my lovelies

XxX

I've managed a quick shower and my hair is still dripping as I assault it with a towel. I'm straightening the bed sheets and clearing books and scattered papers that make a clutter on the floor. I'm replacing my glasses as the door bell rings.

I try hard to walk down the stairs and to the door, where you stand before me, smelling sweetly and looking just as good in loose fitting jeans and a black fitted jumper. I step aside for you and take your bag and shoes.

We don't exchange words until the door is closed and we're locked safely within the confines of my room. You place yourself neatly at the end of my bed, and I join you. You're whole demeanour is unlike the boy I used to know. You've undergone some change; I catch it in your eyes.

I lay back into a comfortable position and usher you to me without a word. You silently come, placing your hands either side of my chest, stretched out like a cat, uncertain of a place for your legs.

I guide you with my hands until you're sitting atop me.

I'm grinning to myself at the position I've achieved. Casting you a smile, I buck my hips, taking you by surprise. The expression on your face strikes me as one of pure concentration as you attempt to move your body against mine.

You're learning quickly.

Your tender flesh brushes all the right places. I groan a little as I study your body with fascination, now wanting to pick up the pace. I buck my hips again.

You're moving faster, but not fast enough.

I've already pulled you down from your high seat and crushed you into the bed. Spreading your legs I thrust into you. You're moaning into my skin, sending hot shivers through me.

I want to tell you how hot you've gotten me.

I quickly decide to move you into a more compromising position. I'm going to show you how good it will feel. Flipping you onto your stomach, I pull you onto your knees and press my body into yours. Hands clutch the bed frame and groans transcend the room. Hips rotate in unison. This need is rising within me.

The movement stops as I catch my breath, arching my back over yours to kiss your neck. My arms encase you.

You move to lie on you back once more, pulling my weight atop you. I'm staring down at you because I realise we haven't kissed.

"Does your father not live here?" you ask, breaking the silence that hangs between us.

Hands are limp at your sides. Your hair is dishevelled. "No. I live here alone. No one ever bothers me, I like that" I respond, hoping that this is enough reason for us to continue.

"Hmm, I suppose that is useful….It's so quiet here"

I smirk at you. This is something Daisuke might not have caught onto, but you however…

You're licking your lips. "Perhaps we should make some noise?"

I sink my body as low as possible, merging with yours, "and how do you suppose we do that?"

You don't answer. Your eyes are stuck on me as I move down the bed. I'm only slightly aware of what I'm doing and where my hands are going, but I continue, seeing a change in your expression. Do you like that?

Eyebrows are knotted and suddenly Daisuke is staring back at me, huge crimson eyes reflecting your uncertainty. I need to kiss you now. I need to kiss you before Daisuke is lost.

XxX

I'm on top of you again, staring down at you as I close in on your delicate features, taking your lips with my own. You won't ever know the relief I feel as Daisuke's moan hits my ears, the perfect tone hitting something deep within me. I want to draw him out of you.

Will you let me touch on something so tender?

I break away from our kiss as my hands trail across your chest. Your heart is beating wildly.

"Would you…like something to eat?"

My voice is stiff and refuses to sound the words properly. My lips still ache for yours. I want to know that I can kiss you when I choose, but silence hangs between us and your body seems miles away from my own.

You shake your head.

I sit back on the end of the bed wondering why I stopped this wonderful movement we had started. It seems too late to return to it now. I fear that Daisuke has disappeared once more from you.

A moment is shared in the silence as I silently plead you to start again what we've lost. Your eyes fall on me and I hear your voice through the dense fog of my thoughts. "Won't you, kiss me again?"

XxX

Will update soon my dears.


	7. Sweetest Thing

This may not appeal to you, and bizarre as it may sound, try listening to 'The Sweetest Thing-U2"- it really helped me write this chapter.

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Read and forget your troubles.

Enjoy x

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I feel a change sweeping through me. I want this feeling to last an eternity. I'm mad with hunger for you as your skin laps against my own. You'll never know how much.

My thoughts are drifting as you move against me, your shirt long discarded of, your jeans ruffled awkwardly against my own. I'm lost in a hot wave of emotion now that I know this must end. That all things must end. That we're still enemies.

We've touched upon something that should never have been, and never can be.

You're moving down the bed now, pulling at my clothes and I can't quite believe you're doing this.

Thoughts are flying through me, and I know now that the long lasting stares and the collisions had meant something. I know now that I'd always wanted you this way.

I mean to stop you. There's fire within me where my demon had last lay, and despite the hollow knowledge that Krad does no longer possess me, I feel a great surge of energy. I'm losing control.

I reach down to pull you away. You've already swallowed me whole.

XxX

Will update soon.

Until then, fall in love with the world.

I have.

x


	8. Hot

I'm sorry it's taken so long…

I promise, no more delays!

And to make it up, here, have three new chapters.

Enjoy x

XxX

This is completely foreign to me. I can't remember ever feeling so incoherent of speech. You've taken everything from me in this one movement of your tongue. It lashes out at my hard member as you remove yourself from your position, only to have your mouth fall back onto me, my heart and soul and mind jumping back into my skin.

You've gotten me so hot, and heavy and hard.

I'm happy to watch you carry out this sinful act as every intention I have of stopping you slip from me.

You stare up at me and seem so lost.

My heart is racing. I cannot voice to you that you hold my heart in your hand, that I'm so in need of this release. You've drained from me all reasoning. The need is so clear to me that I cannot bear to watch you draw away.

You stop.

My hearts drops as I stare up at you with pleading eyes.

I barely register that I've lifted myself to pull your head down to my core. You swallow me once more, resting your hands on my thighs as I guide your head. Your teeth barely scrape the sensitive skin. I wince. But the pain is already forgotten as you find your rhythm.

I can only moan and squirm beneath you until I find myself spilling into your mouth.

XxX

No need to wait…the next chapter included!


	9. No Escape

Enjoy…

XxX

You've crawled up the bed where I still remain, breathing heavily. Your eyes lock on mine as you settle beside me.

My arms have already pulled you to me, my lips engaging yours deep in a kiss, tasting my own hot mess. You seem flustered and pull away.

There's no use. You slide across the sheets and reach the edge, letting your feet fall and touch the floor. I've already stood. My strength has returned to me, and I loom over you, my lips turning upwards and my eyes burning.

There's no escape now Niwa.

I see the fear and regret in your eyes, but this scenario is just too hot to overlook. I will return the gesture Niwa; I will see your face twist as your body fails you.

You need this as much as I do.

I kneel before you, pulling away jeans, which I suddenly hate. You're stiff beneath me.

You try to stand, but only succeed in pushing your erection closer to me.

XxX

I have never done this before. I lick at you through the cotton of your boxers and hear you flinch. I remove the offending article with trembling fingers and continue my assault. A few moments later you're silently pleading me to finish you off.

Moans echo throughout the room.

"No stop…I've got to go" you murmur, panic flaring in your eyes, your cheeks glowing red.

I lift my head, "Then go."

I lean down to indulge on you once more, sucking hard on the aching limb. I'm giving you my full concentration. You're face flashes in pure horror at this new pressure, and I know that you're fighting this pleasure.

But all too quickly your hands are raking through my hair as you surrender yourself, your soul spilling into me, the hot fluid telling me everything you've never wanted me to know.

XxX

Next chapter…..xxx


	10. Wanting You

Enjoy…

XxX

I followed you to school.

Monday is here already and yesterday is suddenly a memory. You need this Niwa. You need me. Please, please tell me you need me.

I hope you know how fixated I am. Is this love? Of course it isn't.

XxX

I saw Daisuke Niwa for the first time in weeks last night.

I thought you'd become a human shell. When Dark left, no doubt part of you did too.

I can't bring him back Niwa. I just…I just want you.

I don't hold expectations for us Daisuke. I don't mean for you to love me, or ever even want me like I want you. I hope that you realise that I can offer you so much pleasure.

I want to lose myself in you.

XxX

"Niwa"

"Huh?"

"…Everything is going to be okay"

XxX

You don't want the others to know.

They'd ridicule you that is true. And I'm quite sure they'd beat you.

I know of the danger you face, but I've no intentions to crush you. I cherish what you've given to me, this intimacy, even if I may only return to it again in dreams.

Please let me give myself to you.

XxX

Will update shortly.

xxx


	11. It Ain't Easy

Enjoy…

XxX

"Stop following me"

Shit.

You're not even gracing me with your manners. Your back is still turned to mine.

You're my sweet summer dream, and here you are crushing my hopes.

"You follow me to and from school everyday"

You're right. I do.

"Why don't you leave me alone Hiwatari?"

Why? Because I need this Niwa. You're the only thing real to me.

"You've become a heartless bastard, Niwa"

You're facing me now, not sure of your own confidence.

"You're no better"

I am heartless, but you're not. Why did you change?

"Do you hate me Niwa? Are you afraid of me because I've seen you exposed? Because I've broken your walls down just enough to know that you hate hiding yourself? Then why do you do it?"

The sun breaks out from the clouds suddenly and I realise that I've known this all along somewhere in the depths of my clouded thoughts.

"Stop controlling me"

You manage to muster the words and I'm in complete shock.

You can't even begin to imagine how much I crave you, sweet Daisuke, how much of a tight hold you have on me.

And you'll never know.

XxX

Hope you enjoyed. Will update soon.


	12. Useless

Sorry it's taken a while...

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I hate this apartment. I wake every morning and I'm instantly greeted by it's usual tight space and general mess. Ever since the capture of Dark and Krad I've had an unbearable amount of free time. The extra time I've acquired doesn't seem to end, and I jump at any chance I have to get to work in the evenings. When I have to spend gruelling hours here I can't bring myself to clean it, or cook a decent meal, being so used to barely paying attention to my standard of living.

It's disappointing to realise I'm finally not needed. When he sees fit to and stops humouring me, my father will relieve me completely of my duties. And you Daisuke, you don't need me either.

XxX

The weekend passes and it's Monday once more. I force myself to continue at school, trying to keep something normal.

Perhaps you're my only hope Daisuke. Will I be able to seek out possible love or even friends if you won't have me?

You sit at a safe distance from me in class, and manage to ignore me. The lunch bell rings and I'm on the roof once more, trying to tell myself that I can win you over again. I force smiles at you in the hallway, mumble a greeting when you pass me. These aren't welcomed warmly but don't go unnoticed. It seems so unlike you Daisuke to disregard someone's feelings.

By the end of the day I finally have you cornered. You stay behind to talk to the sensei. When the halls are cleared I'm slipping over to your side. You stare up at me and stumble in an uncertain manner. "Hiwatari..."

I bite my lip. "When are you going to face up to things Daisuke? You can't pretend that nothing happened." My voice shows evident hurt. A sigh escapes your lips and you stare at me seeming a little defiant. You've matured so much, but maybe not for the better. "When did you stop caring about your friends?"

You seem a little taken back by this, as if you'd forgotten that we'd ever liked each other in the first place. "M-my family wouldn't approve" you mutter. Anger seeps into the pit of my stomach. "This never stopped you before!" I'm almost shouting down at you. I see regret in your shining red orbs. My fury doesn't subside as I lower my voice,"Why didn't you stop me in the first place if this wasn't what you wanted? Why did you let it continue? I-I..."

I turn to walk away. I feel your eyes on my retreating back as you express a sigh. I'm quite sure you didn't know what you were doing; you reached out and grabbed my wrist with remarkable speed. I tug violently at my arm. Your strength more than enough to match mine, you pull me unwillingly into your arms, burying your head in my chest. This is what I've wanted for so long that a wash of relief floods through me. Then my hurt is evident once more in my heart and I'm trying with all my might to push you away.

I stop struggling momentarily, leaning down to whisper, your hair tickling my cheek. "Why are you doing this to me?" You seem to consider this for a long moment, your breathing harsh against me, your face still hidden from mine. Your clutch on me does not lighten. Tell me you love me and you need me Daisuke. Tell me you meant nothing that you'd said or done, that you don't care about approval, or let me leave.

We stand still for a long time, my attempt at escaping long abandoned. You don't bring yourself to look at me. "I'm so sorry Satoshi" you say in a small voice. I swallow hard to push back down the emotion that creeps through me. I want to embrace your apology, but I can't. "What do you want Daisuke?"

"I want you to forgive me" you say after a long while. I rest my head against yours, breathing in your sweet scent. "Tell me, did you feel anything at all for me?" I ask with a bitter tone.

"Satoshi it wasn't like that. I was confused, and I'd never done anything like that before." I close my eyes for a moment and pretend that you really do want me.

"So ignoring me after everything was the best answer?"

You draw a long breath, still not letting go of me, a little desperation is evident in your voice. "I was confused about what I wanted."

I'm frowning now; you don't want me at all do you?

The warmth slips from between us as you loosen your grip on me. My eyes are averted, and my arms hang at their sides. I'm falling fast as your lips press to mine, your arms snaking about me. A soft tongue pleads my lips to part, which they do. I'm feeling limp beneath you, arms still frozen in place. As I finally respond to your decision, my arms are pulling you close to my heart, my mind surrendering to my body's yearning.

I manage to break away and capture your eyes. "Tell me now Daisuke, is this definitely what you want?" I don't even notice that my voice is shaky and my breathing is uneven. You lick your lips and nod, "I want you Satoshi, and I know that I don't ever want to hurt you again."

I smile inwardly, rejoicing, as I embrace you, meeting your lips once more, kissing you loudly and shamelessly.

XxX

To be continued...

Hope you're enjoying once of the final instalments of this fanfic. I will update shortly. Please review if you care to.


	13. Complete

The last chapter was uploaded again because I noticed a lot of spelling mistakes. That's what I get for writing while half asleep!

XxX

I take in your sight. My despair is forgotten. I run steady hands over your expanse. I want to know everything about you. You gasp and stare up at me with wide eyes like you've made some great revelation, like something has clicked into place. Moments pass as I study the naked form before me, finding comfort in the soft expression of your features. Your face matures with knowing, and acceptance. I distance myself from the invitation of your form. Hands peel back the cloth, removing my layers, and revealing myself to you. I remove everything. The glasses fall, forgotten on the floor. I bring my form under your inspection, lowering myself to your blissful heat, so that we are nothing but skin and flesh.

I start our dance. Our movements are slow to savour the feel of every collision, and draw upon the heat of our pressure. I kiss you once, telling you everything that I crave to say. We move as one. I hold you close as I enter you. Muffled sobs and digging nails penetrate the skin. You try hard not to whimper. Knowing hands reach out to stroke your hair. The ritual starts over again. This time we're complete as we start our slow pace. We are both mindless, and relying on emotion to see us through.

Riding our ritual, slow and steady, you complete me, you drive me to the edge, and then we're nothing but human once more, falling fast into slumber. I'm nothing but human once more, falling fast into slumber, with the man I love tucked safely in my embrace.

XxX

This chapter signals the ending of our story, though I leave the invitation to anyone who wishes to request a sequel or epilogue. I truly hope you have enjoyed the story, and cannot wait to hear your feedback.

Yours truly,

Miss Madeline.

**xxx**


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